Losing Time
Two whole weeks ago I moved to Gainesville, Georgia. I made it! Safe and sound I made it to my new home. Over the country I drove, hills and valleys, around bends and safely taking every corner. My travels were well, fun even. I had the opportunity to stop and see a good friend from the race and that was amazing. But all was not well; little did I know that while I am having this great trip across the country, my grandpa was dying.
When I started this blog I thought I was going to talk about how I lost so much time driving to my friend Diamond. What happened was I typed in the wrong town in Kentucky. That’s the short version of the story. The long version is frustrating and reveled some of my character I was blind to. Diamond lives around 6 hours from my home in Illinois and then from her house to my new house in Georgia would be about another 6 hours. It was perfect right in the middle a good break from driving and I get to see Diamond! Wrong. First I left my house late, that’s fine I should still be to Diamond’s before midnight. Once 10:00 hit I knew something was wrong but I was trusting in my GPS to get me there. Then midnight comes and I am still not there. Not only that, but I have no cell service so my GPS isn’t working. I get to a small town in the middle of nowhere Kentucky, pull over and try to call my mom or Diamond, but my phone will not work, and I am so tired. I am crying and praying that something will work. I am lost and scared and upset that I am losing some of what little time I get to spend with Diamond being lost. Needless to say, I did get a hold of someone and found out that I was about three hours away from Diamond. In the end it all worked out, I got to spend the next whole day with her and I made it safely to her house. So it was all good, but something nagged at me. Loosing that time being lost bothered me.
Text: “Call me when you get a chance.” Yeah, I thought, I’m almost to my new home with all new people, all new things, ready to start a new chapter, I have time I can call you. It doesn’t seem real, not then when I heard it and not now a week after. My Grandpa is dead. Sounds cold huh? It feels cold. If you had the pleasure of knowing my grandpa then you know he was amazing, he loved God with all of him, he spent every moment of everyday, worshiping, studying, and following God. That is his legacy, years from now when I tell others about him this is still what I will say.
I was only in Gainesville for three days and then I got on a plane and flew home. Two days there, for the visitation and funeral. It was hard. While I am dealing with this pain and sadness, I can’t help but be afraid. Afraid I am missing out, and that I am loosing time with the people in Gainesville. Afraid that in the two days I missed of class, friendships will be formed and I will come home to being alone. I was loosing time with my new housemates; new classmates, and new teachers, and it worried me.
Loosing time. Several people in a verity of leadership have told me, that time spent in the present of God is never wasted; it is not a loss. I truly believe that, but I struggle with this theory; time spent doing what God tells you to do is time not lost. God told me to see Diamond, to go back home for the funeral. But what cuts me the deepest is God told me to go to CGA, to move, to say good-bye to my precious loving Grandpa. I lost days with him, I lost time. And honestly I am still figuring out the why. I cling to the example my Grandpa set, I cling to Jesus the way he did. I hold on to the promises and character of God I know to be true. And I try to forgive myself, for missing out on new friendships, for missing time with Diamond, and most of all for missing those last moments with my Grandpa. My God is a good God, and I know in these hard times he will hold me and give me people to support, love, and pour into me. Time spent with God, time spent working in His Kingdom, is time not lost. And if I never learn the “why” then that’s ok, I know one day I will be in eternity, and then I will never lose time again.
CGA fundraising is due in increments just like the Race. I have until October 1th to raise $4,000. I need the full amount of $5,950 by December 1th. If you are interested in partnering with the kingdom and me financially you can click the “Donate” Button on this page. Don’t think you have to donate $100 to be affective, $5, $10, or even $20 would go a long way. Even if you don’t financially partner with me, PLEASE pray for me and the other people doing CGA. Prayer support is powerful and important.
