Last Wednesday was Valentine’s Day, and like all single people, I felt the slight tinge of jealousy seeing all the couples in love. Love is a fickle thing. We, as humans, are in constant search of it. Now all of you who just thought to themselves, “Abbigail I am not searching for love I am A) a proud single B) in a happy committed relationship.” To you I ask, do you ever look to others for approval? Do you look outwardly for satisfaction? Do you get jealous of what other people have? I believe the root of approval, jealousy, and the need to be satisfied, are all love, just in different forms.
Let’s back up a bit. Last Wednesday was also Ash Wednesday. For the first time in my life I went to an Ash Wednesday service. Ash Wednesday is the start of lent. But what else is it? I wanted to know. I learned that Ash Wednesday is a time of repenting and turning back to God. It is a start to getting our hearts right and focused on the Lord to prepare for the death of Jesus.
During the Ash Wednesday service the choir sang a song I have never heard before, but instantly felt like it spoke to my soul. It was written for me, by me, sung to God from me, even though it wasn’t. It’s called ‘Steal Away’ and it goes like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTjUWDdZaps
Steal away to Jesus. Have you thought about why we fast, maybe you don’t fast for lent but you fast through out the year or maybe you have never fasted. But why do you think people fast? I think we give up something we love: candy, TV, pop, ect., because we love the Father more. I love ice cream, I mean I love ice cream, if ice cream were a man I would marry him in a heartbeat. But I love my heavenly Father more. I love watching Grey’s Anatomy, the drama and excitement, the stories. I love it! But I love my Heavenly Father more. And it’s not that I give up these things to prove I love him, he already knows that. No, I give up these things that consume my time, my thoughts, and my energy so that I can focus my time, my thoughts, and my energy on Him. Because that’s all God wants.
He wants a personal relationship with us. And isn’t that what we want? Love? The root of us (me included) wanting approval and satisfaction, the jealousy, the root of anger and hate, is a lack of love. And not just any love but an unconditional, never ending, over flowing, all consuming, fairy tale, magic, love. I’ll be honest, I’ve been a believer my whole life. I came out of the womb worshiping God. But there are days where I don’t feel, hah, I don’t feel, the love. Ash Wednesday, Valentine’s day, I wasn’t feeling it. But does that mean his love left me. Heck no. He was beside me, in my unfaithfulness and lack of “feeling it”. When the choir sang ‘Steal Away’, I did, I closed my eyes and went to a place of just me and Jesus. And we just sat together, and I told him how I wished to come home, to live in fullness, to live without pain, to live without sorrow. And He listened. As the song ended and I opened my eyes and came back down to earth, I felt sad that I am not in my forever home yet. But I also felt excited that He spoke to me in such a beautiful way.
Hearts and Ashes. On a day meant for the love-bird, I had the ultimate love story told to me. That a Father loved his children so much, that he was willing to do anything to get to a place of relationship with them. That a son loved his Father and his bride so much that he was willing to lose everything to win a relationship. That’s the love story the Lord spoke over me as the choir sang, as I groaned and complained about how hard life was. God spoke life over me, reminding me that I love Him a mere faction of how He loves me. That’s what Ash Wednesday is – a time to turn our hearts back to His.
Please share with me what lent means to you? Are you giving up something?
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